As you all know, my last relationship was very emotionally abusive. My therapist has a new theory that I was so smart and perceptive that his lies eventually grew too absurd to be kept up, and it had to collapse the way it did. Perhaps his new girlfriend doesn’t have this particular problem, I don’t know. If not, that’s likely a choice of his. However, my therapist gave me an assignment to write down all of the lies I was told. She says this is the way to ground me, as he designed the ordeal to make it seem to me as if it was my fault, or as if I did anything wrong. Keep this list close, Olivia. Instead of making more articles, I’ll be updating this as I recall them, late at night as I cry about this.
I love you.
I was sleeping.
My sister made up being assaulted.
If you ever go missing, I’d hunt you down and find you myself.
I’m asexual except for you.
I was chased by dogs and shot at.
Your doctor abused me.
My doctors abuse me.
Your parents abuse you.
My parents abuse me.
My parents come into every therapy session with me.
I would never not respond to you, even if I threw my phone in a garbage can.
I only lie to you.
You’re my soulmate.
I’d do anything for you.
You can tell me anything.
I want you to tell me everything.
I want you to tell me every time you’re suicidal.
You NEED to tell me every time you’re suicidal.
I am the one person Olivia anti-suicide committee and I’ll know if you’re keeping it from me.
I’ll know if you keep anything from me so you’d better tell me everything.
I want to know every detail about ***
I won’t tell anyone about ***
We’re the same person.
I have OCD.
I was misdiagnosed with Antisocial Personality.
Evan abused me.
My parents are seeking legal action against Evan.
My parents are seeking legal action against True North.
My mother is heartless (I agree with this one, now! Sorry, author’s note…).
My father assaults me.
My mother doesn’t like you anymore.
My father doesn’t like you anymore.
My parents are forbidding us being together.
We’re going to travel the world together.
You’re my best friend.
My older sister is selfish.
I have the worst case of insomnia the US has ever seen.
I fall and faint and bruise myself all the time.
I vomit every time you tell me something bad that’s happened to you.
I vomit when I think about all of my abusers. (So much vomiting.)
My mother verbally abused me as a child.
My sister recently has verbally abused me.
My sister plays the victim and lies, not me.
I was sexually assaulted as a young teenager while in the hospital by a gang of girls (and yes this definitely isn’t true, I’m not usually one to ever doubt this).
We can physically do anything and I’d be okay with it.
You’ll always be the best person I’ve ever met.
We’ll grow old together.
We’ll become immortal together.
Your parents conspired about your diagnoses with my parents.
Your friends don’t hate you (as they’re bullying me).
Logan harassed me.
I can’t make Logan stop.
Logan is coming onto me for no reason.
Logan is coming onto me out of the blue.
Logan and Halle asked me to prom even though they know I’m going with you.
Sorry, I was asleep!
I just woke up.
I slept for four days.
I haven’t slept in two weeks.
I love you.
(I’m capable of love).
Your father hates you.
Your mother hates you.
Your sister hates you.
My parents have confiscated all technology.
I’ve been in Nantucket without technology.
My parents hit me.
My parents are screaming at me.
My parents are pulling me out of the bathroom, screaming.
I’m fading away.
I get panic attacks for hours every night.
Sorry, I was having a panic attack then.
I imagine the wilderness when I have a panic attack.
The kids at wilderness made up their illnesses.
I was “gooned” for no reason.
Tu**er’s not smart enough to understand sociopathy.
Ni**’s not smart enough to understand sociopathy.
(Insert friend name) isn’t smart enough to get into (insert college).
You’re the only one who’s capable of understanding me.
I’m the only one capable of understanding you.
I love you.