Hi! It’s been a little while. I just came from a Project LETS meeting and I’ll be heading to dinner with a cute guy in a few minutes (yes I mean you bud!). I’m living the life, like I always dreamed I would. I’ve found people who really love me and I love myself and my capabilities more than ever. I want to explain the value I’ve found in throwing myself into my life and activities.
There are some people from my old therapeutic school who are very stuck in their old life of harassment, stalking, and desperately sought, fruitless relationships. I’m very lucky to be able to say that I’m not stuck in that place. I look forward to the day every morning and kiss my day goodbye at the end of the night. I still have PTSD (most potently) and anxiety, depression too, but they’re more manageable than ever.
I’ve thrown myself into my passions so head-first that I have no choice but to tread water with them, but the water is cool and refreshing and I’m showing no signs of tiring.
In high school, I loved the debate team. I was relatively successful within the activity and most importantly, seeing my best friend and getting to argue in a formatted, polite, yet exciting way was what got me out of bed at all during my most depressed and sedentary year of high school.
I’ve made the Temple Debate team, and my first ever case that I’ll be debuting this weekend at Swarthmore is Harry Potter related. I technically can’t post the resolution, but it’s about the Death Eaters! There’s a chance there are spies looking for Temple’s resolutions, so the wisdom goes… a bit silly but apparently it happens in the APDA. Anyway, I’m getting to school Princetonians and UPenn students (go Temple!) on Harry Potter in a competitive setting. Excuse my French, but holy sh** does it get better than that?
I’m able to do it because I’ve hurled myself into my surroundings with no timidity. Doing things despite reservations is called Opposite Action in DBT parlance, and it’s one of the most valuable tools to be utilized against anxiety.
I have a job, now. It involves working in a local public school system, so i’m having to be fingerprinted and do background checks. It’s all very fancy and formal and I’m ordering as much office-wear as my minimal college funds will allow…
I’m also in the process of acquiring an internship through my school’s Democrats chapter. I have my interview tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Perhaps most impactfully, I’ve found both amazing groups of friends and beautiful individual people to spend my days with. It makes PTSD an afterthought, though a painful one.
I believe that this all goes to show that the more you involve yourself in your community, the less alone you will end up feeling. Many folks I’ve known over the years, myself included, have spent so much time wallowing and crying and soaking up their own misery. That’s very valid. It can be hard sometimes to do anything else but that. But it’s got to happen. Get on out there!!
While dressing up for frat parties I’ve acquired a nice list of hype songs, as well as a song recommended by someone special to me. Here’s a brief summary. Don’t listen while in a professional, office, or school setting, please!
Tia Tamera – DOJA CAT
Hot Shower – CHANCE THE RAPPER
Runnin’ Down a Dream – TOM PETTY